we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
