Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
