Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
