yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
