K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
