just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
