I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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