Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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