Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
