Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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