Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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