Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
