i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
