I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
