alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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