as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
