How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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