yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
