Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
