i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
