It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
