I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
