Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
