Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
handjob tips. give me some.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
