All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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