Quick, to the slutcave!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i've created a new STD.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
