I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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