I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
