So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize