cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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