Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
