Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
