I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
