He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
