Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
