Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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