I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
