In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
