Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
