My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
