I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
