there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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