Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
