And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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