Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
