just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
