i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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