The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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