If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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