it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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