I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
