She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
