I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
