Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
