He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
