and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
