I am puke
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
