thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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