He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
