What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
