he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
