I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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