I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
