What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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