WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
