i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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