i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I party with great urgency now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
