I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
