My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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