I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
