It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
