to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
