Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
